Nowadays everybody wanna talk like they got something to say but nothing comes out when they move their lips, just a bunch of gibberish and motha’uckas act like they forgot about J.
Really though. No one really talked any garbage about me, and there was really nothing to forget. But in case you are wondering, I made my return to ultimate something like three weeks ago. It was at spring league, in Ultimate Chicago’s “Scissors” league, which I joined with the babybro partly because of the giggle-worthy name of the league. In any case, we both just wanted to enjoy a fun, laid back game with a friend, and I wanted a nice, slow, ease back into playing after months off from competing. Everyone on my team is quite nice, even though we have yet to win a game. Getting back into the game emotionally wasn’t hard — it was mad fun and I was quite giddy to be running around in the open again, chasing something. There were definitely many laughs to be had. Physically though, different story. Let me tell you, it was rough.
It was cold and windy, and I thought about peeing myself for warmth more than once. I about had an asthma attack walking from the car to the field. I want to say that in order to save face, I threw approximately zero passes up field — everything I threw was a dump. I spent all afternoon just running deep for juiced up boosts and getting skied by dudes. I also decided that I was going to lay out for anything within layout distance, just because I missed it so much. Bad move, self. Definitely threw my back out and spent the next few days walking around like humpback-having Mike Tisdale. Bad news. But y’know it’s awesome to be playing again, and I’m really looking forward to getting back into playing shape.
Anyway, Conference Championships are occurring this weekend and it’s exciting that the Series is starting. I’m *hoping* to be in Boulder for Nations, so I’m trying to get back into the ultimate scene, y’know, figure out what all the buzz is about. Admittedly, I’ve kind of stayed away from it all until now, just because I didn’t want to miss competing too much, so I’m pretty much ignorant to everything, from good teams to tournament results to Callahan front-runners. It’s pretty sad. But now ya girl is fiendin’ for some ultimate talk. Who’s sick this year? Who’s gonna be a top seed at Nationals? What new players and what big names should I be looking out for? I’m excited, and I should probably start reading all the ultimate blogs I’ve been avoiding. Y’all better have some good recaps for me this weekend, too. In any case, good luck to everyone competing!
Just wanted to write this so y’all would know I haven’t given up on ultimate quite yet. Kind of have a gut-spilling post coming up (*cue groans*), and didn’t want to taint it with my random thoughts that I’m sure you all missed. Anyway, I’m gonna take a page out of Tyler Griffey’s (my “other” Tyler, the “other” bit to be explained later) book and reverse it — during the season the Illinois basketball guys aren’t allowed to tweet, so Tyler blogs what he would normally tweet about. Well, I did just the opposite. Usually I blog, but since Twitter is available on my phone, I use it to capture all the ridiculous things I think about and want to remind myself of later on in the day. So here are some of the things that have been going on in my life/rolling around in my head since you heard from me last, since I don’t want to bog down my upcoming post with more garbage than it will already be heavy with/since you care so much about the dumb things I think about:
- After watching all these (excuse my language) sociopaths and basic ass bitches ($0.50 *sigh*) on reality television, I’ve decided that I’m really, really grateful that my parents raised me not to be a total doucher. “Jersey Shore” used to be hilarious, but now it’s all about Sammi/Ronny drama, and most of them are now so aware of their ill-deserved fame that they’re all up their own butts about it. “The Real World” used to be about bringing together people from differing socio-economic backgrounds to help people learn about differences and similarities and what the heck not, but now it’s all about famewhores who just want to party for free and be famous for no reason. I admit, some of those people (Pauly D — although sometimes I get mad at him, Leroy, Mike-Mike) are entertaining, but the others are just… something else. It’s infuriating to watch the way these kids act, and it’s even more infernal that their behavior is continually validated. That said, I should probably stop watching those shows.
- I am never made more painfully aware of the fact that I am a. not athletic and b. not a runner than when I am running on the lakefront path. Seriously. I never wear the right running attire — my shorts are never short enough. But I can’t wear the patented “Sarah Rosenwinkel Everyday I’m Stuntin’ In My Short Shorts” shorts — I have to wear Five shorts because only their pockets are big enough to hold all my Shot Bloks and my inhaler. And apparently it isn’t cool to wear a cotton cut-off. I mean whatever. And then it doesn’t help that I huff harder than Liz Lemon on Sandwich Day, so runners, bikers, and even motorists can hear me coming from a mile away. My big girl thighs stay chafing, I constantly kick myself, and I just make it look like each step is the hardest step I’ve ever taken in life. It’s not a good look, guys, and I just look like a spazzy, uncoordinated freak.
- Listen everyone. Listen. Just because it was funny like once, it doesn’t mean that every Friday I want to hear some variation or play on that horrid Rebecca Black song. Everybody gets one, but that’s it guys. Sorry.
- I am completely unashamed to be “that girl” at my gym who listens to Taylor Swift, Sara Bareilles, and Glee hell of loudly on my iPod while I get mad swole. What.
- One of only two television shows that I *must* watch in “real time” is “Top Chef” (the other being “Glee”). And let me just say. What a season. What a season. If you are a fan, and you would like to chat with me about it, I’m just saying that we totally should. We should. I could go on forever about that show. And Jen. Our girl Jen. So coked out and just effing weird. (Chan’s theory is that Jen is on steroids and was exhibiting roid rage — also possible. Those growth hormones were probably for her hair, because what the what, Jen. What the what were you thinking with your hair all season? That curly mess. And then those horrendous extensions on the reunion show. Girlfriend … just … no. I love you, but no.)
- I’m a big college basketball fan in general and follow a lot of different teams. I’d say that the two I follow most closely are Illinois and UConn for obvious reasons, but I follow lots of other teams too. One team that is creeping up hard on my radar is UNC. I’ve always preferred UNC to Duke (Sorry I’m not sorry), but this year it kind of got out of control. Why? Tyler Zeller. (I’ll pause here, so T-Bag and Chan can finish vomiting and hating me.) I couldn’t figure out why I was crushing so hard, and then I realized that he’s like my basketball version of Michael Cera. He’s my tall awkward love who also plays basketball. *swoon*
- “30 for 30” is possibly one of the dopest series I’ve ever seen. While I enjoy them all, I particularly enjoyed the recent one with Reggie Miller. I came away from that with so much more respect for Reggie Miller (drafted him to my All-NBA Team during a recent NBA Draft sesh with pops) because he is legit full of the most lulz of any Mr. Potato Heads ever. Anyone who can get under John Starks’ skin like that is just tops in my book. And I also like how a decent part of that installment was about how much of a boss Cheryl Miller is.
- People at my gym mystify me. Like legit. There are hell of females that get all decked out in their workout clothes, and then they listen to their workout mixes while they sit on the mats at the gym … and that’s just it. That’s all they do. They just fiddle around with their iPods in the middle of the gym, and then they try to come at me reckless and give me the stink eye because MY ACTUAL EXERCISING is intruding on their lounging space. I’m not okay with it.
- I have been thinking of Harry Potter a lot lately, probably because I’m so distraught that I have to wait until this summer to see the second half of Deathly Hollows UGH. One morning, while I was leaving my gym, I swear to Moses I saw a man dressed as a dementor on Archer and Ashland. I know, some people thought I was being mean and making fun of a homeless man with his bedding, but dude was not homeless. This guy was wearing an unzipped sleeping bag fashioned as a hooded cloak, and underneath he was wearing a clean suit. He was holding a briefcase and he was taking the stairs down to the Ashland Orange line stop. If he wasn’t dressed as a dementor then I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.
- I called that Butler/UConn title game once those teams were all in the Final Four (because let’s face it, my original bracket was torn to shreds, with the exception of the UConn part), and I also called almost all the HORRIBLE dawg/dog puns that came along with it.
- Kim LeCleir and I witnessed a cot dang KIDNAPPING and (possible) RAPE. DEFINITE KIDNAPPING. RAPE MAY HAVE OCCURRED AFTERWARD. I don’t know but it was intense. It was outside of Ice Cream Paradise in Lebanon, IN and an orange giant and her slutty friend were involved. Shady, you guys.
- Many of you may not understand how awesome this is, but when I was in Indiana, on my way home from UConn’s open practice, I purchased almost $34 worth of gas at a Farris BP/Amoco. Unintentionally. Kelly Faris Fan Club. Holler. Also, can I just have you guys know, right now, that if I’m ever in the Plainfield/Nap-Town, IN or Storrs/Hartford, CT area, and there’s a pickup ultimate game going on, and I just so happen to have a choice, I’d pick to be on a team with Kelly Faris? Can we just establish that I get first dibs on that potential D-line stud? Cause homegirl looks like she wouldn’t hesitate to layout D someone.
- That UCLA Asian rant was hilarious. I think I was supposed to be offended by the stuff that ratchet heifer said, but I was mostly offended at how stupid she was. Besides, I am that Asian everyone used to hate at UGL/The Graing.
- “You Oughta Know” came on the radio the day after that episode of “Glee” where Santana references it as her favorite song ever, and I laughed STUPID hard. Like harder than any other normal person would have laughed. I imagined Santana Lopez in an angsty cover video on “Pop-Up Video”. (Sidenote: Y’all miss that glorious show? Cause I do.)
- Since I’m unemployed, all the time that I’m not spending looking for work, shooting, working out, or running errands for my family, I’m watching TV series. It’s unproductive but whatever. Watching television on my laptop is the other thing I do in my room with the shades drawn and the lights off (the first thing is listen to Dashboard Confessional, you pervs). I’ve rewatched many a television series this year so far, including “The Office”, “30 Rock”, “Family Guy”, and “Sex and the City”, (all old favorites) among others. I’m quite open to getting into some new series, but I insist on starting at the very beginning, and only getting into the shows my friends swear by. By friends, I do not mean strangers on the treadmills next to me at the gym. Nevertheless, that doesn’t stop them from trying to convert me.
I legit don’t even remember how our conversation started (Possibly had something to do with what we were watching on our TVs on the treadmill? Goodness I wish I could remember…), but some girl on the dreadmill next to mine attempted to explain “Pretty Little Liars” to me. She was very excited about it and named a lot of names and told me a bunch of nonsensical mess, and all I really truly gathered from all her blubbering was that there is a blind girl who gets punched in the face. I was not intrigued. (OH that’s right! “Charmed”! “Charmed” was playing at the gym, and the girl said that Holly Marie Combs is also on “Pretty Little Liars”. Memory is not fading after all!)
One teenage girl show that *might* work its way onto my list though, after “Mad Men” and “Dexter” (I KNOW I’M LATE, BUT JUST LET ME ROCK, OKAY?), is “Gossip Girl”, and not just because of the fact that my father LOVES the name of the show (“‘Gossip Girl’? More like ‘Gossip Bitch‘!” Classic). My younger cousin attempted to explain it to me, and again I was quite lost, but I perked up when she told me about this writer who got his poem published in “The New Yorker”? And it was called “Sluts”? Amazing.
- I was insufferable at the gym for the duration of the Big East Tournament. Since UConn was a lower seed, a lot of their games were played in the daytime, when I was at the gym. I was a mess. Just hootin’ and hollerin’ and making a general scene. I legit almost dropped my weights and yelped “KEMBA!” out loud during that UConn/Pitt game. I also teared up, but that is another story, and I pretended like my contact was bothering me.
- I have long wondered what a conversation between Kevin Harlan and Gus Johnson would sound like? JUST SHOUTING. But in all seriousness, I bet that would be a fun duo to have a meal with.
- I got a text from a stranger, and all it said was “lol lamar odom”. I wanted to text this person back “all-star game pwnt lulz” but was too shy.
- Earlier this year, I had a recurring, serial nightmare about zombies. Ran seamlessly from evening to evening for about four nights. It was so awesome, but also terrifying. I have never been more reluctant to go to sleep.
- I’m not a Green Bay fan by any stretch of the imagination, but after seeing it a million times on SportsCenter, I have to admit that Aaron Rodgers’ belt is hell of cool. Aaaaand I kind of want to do it, but I don’t do very many belt-worthy things so *sigh*.
Anyway, if you got through all of that mess, kudos. None of those thoughts were necessary to share, but you know, sorry I’m not sorry. Welp, hopefully I’ll finish that other post some time this weekend, if the Bulls and other playoff series don’t distract me too much.
God you must have missed me so much while I was gone.
(/vomit)
