H&H

(Y’all know how this goes, even if I am a little bit late. Wrote this on Friday afternoon, posting now.)

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year because of everything it represents: getting together with people you love and celebrating everything you have to be thankful for. It’s something we should do every day, obviously, but sometimes it’s nice to have a week off school (or a few days off work, whichever applies) and a big feast with friends and family to remind you of everything there is to be grateful for.

(Also: I love to eat, and since I have a humongous family we generally have to hold multiple Thanksgiving dinners over the course of a few days in order to break bread with everyone. Hopefully that explains a little of my lateness.)

I say this every year, but even so, each time it feels like a new realization: I have so much to be thankful for.

For the past year and a half, I’ve been on an incredible journey of continual self-discovery. I’m sure you’ve all seen me whining through some medium or the other (and if you’re truly lucky, maybe even in person!!1!), but it hasn’t always been easy. There have been more downs than ups, but the ups have been phenomenal, and I’ve been learning so much. I’m not sure how I’ll feel or what I’ll think when I look back on this time of my life in about a year, but I hope I remember everything I’ve learned.

I’ve learned that there’s a lesson you can take from almost everything. If the most you can take out of something is anger or sadness or disappointment, you’re not taking full advantage of the opportunity that life has given you. I’ve learned to continue rising. Simple as that. We don’t need to get into gross, corny, and hackneyed territory, so I’ll try not to go there. I’m continuing to learn what real strength is, and I hope I get there one day. I’ve learned how to lose, and I’ve learned how to let go. Most importantly, despite what I’ve lost, I’ve learned to love fiercely. I believe in the people and the things I love, and they’re guiding me through this whole thing. I’m thankful for those lessons, and in time, I’m sure I’ll be thankful for the struggles and failings that led me to them. I hope that these things can help me figure out how to be a better person and how to generally suck less, y’know? Anyway, I’m sure there’s some crappy Mariah Carey song out there about smiling through the tears or rain or other some such foolery that perfectly encapsulates and condenses every ridiculous corny thing I just fumbled through into three minutes and a catchy tune, but I’m too lazy to look it up on my iTunes (because let’s not front, I probably have it).

I’m so, so, so thankful for the people I have in my life. My family means more to me than I could ever explain. We argue and we fight, and it gets ugly. We don’t love everything there is to love about each other, and I know a lot of people say this, that their family supports them in everything they do, but that’s not how my family is. They don’t support a lot of the things I choose to do, and they don’t support some of the things I believe in, or even some of the things that make me who I am as a person. I’m the same way with them. To be frank, sometimes we do and say some truly fucked up things to each other. But they’re mine, and we’re each others. Awkward phrasing, I know, but that’s what I mean, and that’s how I want to say it. I was reminded this fall that your family can be taken from you before you’re ready to say goodbye to them, and it absolutely gutted me. It was a place I had hoped I would never have to revisit, but I’m learning that I needed to go back there again to remind myself of what I have, and how lucky I am to have it. I learn to appreciate them in new ways all the time, and I hope that I can do something in my lifetime that will make them proud. I’m doing everything I do to the absolute fullest for them, because of everything they’ve done for me. H&H, and I’m not stopping until I can give them the entire world.

I know that finding what you love isn’t always easy, and it’s not always written out on a mirror in front of you. I’ve heard that sometimes it takes a long time for people to find their passion in life. I’m thankful that I’ve found my passions, and I’m thankful for the role they play in my life. Other than the obvious three F’s (fierce, femme, phenomenal — thank you for that gem, Santana Lopez) (but no 4srsly: family, friends, food), my three biggest passions in life are education, sports, and writing. Of the three, the last one was the hardest to admit to myself, if that makes sense. I realized somewhere along the line that it’s not just a hobby, and it’s not just something that makes me happy — it’s something I can’t live without, and it’s something that makes my life better. This year, I found the courage to pursue it. I’m doing something that I love, and that I’ve always dreamed about. It’s kind of funny that I call myself a writer and I’ve just written a paragraph about how much I love to write, but I can’t put into words what it makes me feel. Ha, maybe more re-evaluation is in order…

*shrug* There’s just been a lot on my mind, lately; there are a lot of unpublished drafts sitting in this here blogger. Some of them are ultimate-related, some not. I’ll probably get around to publishing them sooner or later, but I know how my track record is with that kind of thing, so maybe I’m best off not saying anything about it. Anyway. I hope y’alls Thanksgivings were wonderful, delicious, restful, and blessed as well. My love to you and yours.

I’m also thankful for:

• Maggie Daley. She’s a real inspiration for me as an aspiring public servant. I don’t know what else to say, except thank you for everything you’ve done for the young people in Chicago. Thank you for your strength, your grace, your humility, and your heart. Rest in peace.
• Blogger, for saving all my drafts, and for being my closest confidante.
• Harry Potter.
• The Avett Brothers. Why. Was I. So late? Incredible.
• Chef coats. Straight up and down reckless. A hot ass mess. I wasn’t sure I was ready to love again, and then … Top Chef Texas started. I don’t even care if you judge me, I shed some actual human tears last Wednesday evening. I wasn’t sure you were out there, Soul Mate, but then Richie Farina happened. FML. SOMD. My life is a mess. Who wants to go to Moto with me?
• Milan Reed: I love that I have a friend who understands and shares my obsession with washing my hands. I love that I have a friend who encourages me to “do poo”, and I love that he understands why I’m doing it. I love that I have a friend who eats more, and also more often than I do, and I love that he is okay with planning trips around eating and not necessarily sightseeing, because that’s how I roll. I love that I have a friend who also makes zombie attack contingency plans, and really just a friend that I can have serious conversations about zombies with. I love that I have a friend who safaris through Wikipedia and shares thoroughly bizarre results with me. I love that I have a friend who I can go years (literally) without seeing, but the moment I see him, it feels like we’re still sitting in that damn lounge eating turkey sandwiches, hating the world (and everyone in it), and (thinking about) sipping Jack (but really hiding in the student union drinking free Jamba Juice/Jamba Juice that we scammed kids into buying for us).
• Learning that hitting a number on the scale is so much more than, well, hitting a number on a scale. As athletes (I use this phrase for self-description quite liberally… sorry I’m not sorry), we’re obsessed with reaching and surpassing goals we set for ourselves — running a certain distance under a certain time, hitting a certain number of free throws in a row, being able to bench press a certain amount of weight, etc. etc. You become fixated on a specific number, y’know? Last week, I reached the weight goal I’ve been working towards for the past year or more. I really worked at it — eating right, exercising, and making smarter, healthier decisions. It was kind of fun, and I learned that being healthy is a lifestyle, and not about a number, necessarily. I feel a lot better because of it. (But I have to admit that I can’t wait to taste whiskey again…)
• Airplane tray tables. I wouldn’t be able to sleep otherwise.
• Sweatpants. For whatever reasons, I was not all about sweats in college and didn’t really get into them until I graduated, but good golly did y’all know they were this comfortable?! Also, sweatpants with pockets rule my life.
• Grantland.
• Dancers. Let’s get it straight: I’m not a dancer. Rhythm and I are not friends. I also have poor balance and hand-eye coordination. The last time I danced/flailed emphatically, I flashed someone. I would have been embarrassed if I had any shame left. So unforch. I have not attempted since. But I appreciate dancers, and I think it’s really cool that dance is one of those things that allow you to witness a person’s passion manifested physically. It’s something you can see, and I find it really inspiring to watch.
• That humongous box of Chex they have at Sam’s Club with wheat, rice, and corn Chex.
• America’s Next Top Model: All Stars. I’ve accepted that I will never, ever be able to escape the ever growing black hole of insanity that is Tyra Banks and Pot Ledom. Hottest damn mess ever. I’m specifically thankful that Angelea is still crazy, but even more quotable this time around, and always side eye-ing hard while throwing around phrases like: “Y’all some hating ass bitches.” So hood. 716. I’m also thankful that Cute Lil’ Laura is still SO COUNTRY AND ADORABLE SHE SLAYS ME. But Creepy Chan FTW!!1! I can has Laura/Allison Final Two, plz?

  (Note: I apologize for nothing. Little to no shame about how much I love this television show. Also: I want Tyra’s smize teddy bear, so…) (Sidenote to Menace if any of you are still reading: I hope that when/if you watch that video and you hear “jealous” you’re thinking of me and Sarah SoManyFriendsenwinkel — “You have friends? Jealous.”)

  (Also I’m thankful for whatever channel that is that is constantly playing ANTM marathons like 18 times a week.)

• Distance. It makes the heart grow fonder sometimes, and other times it just helps you see what you’ve been trying to avoid for the longest time. I’ve achieved so much clarity since the disaster that was Brunchapalooza 2K11 (not to be confused with Bike Bonanza 2011, which ran concurrently and was totally awesome).
• Ni Hao Kai-Lan. Anything that makes my sister as happy as this show makes her is something I’m thankful for.
• My friends who have spent so much time discussing religion and spirituality with me. It’s something I’ve been struggling with for some time, and I appreciate that my friends are taking the time out to talk to me about it, and tell me about what they believe in.
• People with great, loud, dorky laughs, or as Foster and I call them, Loud Laughers. I’ve found that I don’t “have my own laugh”, if that makes sense. My laugh changes all the time, based on who I’m hanging around; basically, I mimic my friends’ laughs. And of course, my favorite laughs are those loud, dorky ones that make people turn around. Just lols lawls lulz luls.