I didn’t know that I had no idea what the hell I was doing on an ultimate field until I played my very first tournament.
Similarly, I didn’t know that I had no idea what the hell I was doing as a coach until my first tournament.
Chicago Invite for the high school kiddos was ’bout three weeks ago (?). I don’t remember what we were seeded going in, but we finished something not awesome like 22nd or 23rd or something like that. There were a lot of little things that can be fixed before city, things we’ve noted and have been trying to work on in practice. Things like cleaning up the stack and cut timing. Reading discs. Breaking marks. Not getting broken ourselves. Lit’rally a million other things. I always forget that some of these kids have never played before, and even the ones who have only have one year under their belts. I’m tempted to tweak all these things, but I have to self-edit and work on one thing at a time. But like I said, those are things that can be “fixed”. What worries me is that I felt that our lack of energy, desire, and effort caused us to lose a number of games that we should have won.
I’m sad to say that I bought into the hype. I let myself believe that we were even in the slightest way prepared to play with the big boys. I saw D-ing up physically weaker opponents as “desire” and “aggressiveness”. I was sorely, sorely mistaken. I’m a cautious person. Pessimistic. Guarded. Mean, probably. An asshole, most definitely. But I didn’t want to be these things as a coach — I was those things as a captain, and it didn’t work out, so I knew I needed a new approach. I’m not naturally the “you guys are doing s0o0o0o0o0o0 good!!1!” type, but I know that especially with newer players, they need encouragement and constructive criticism, not someone hollering and being belligerent. Even when I was skeptical at best about someone’s effort, I gave everything I had in me to restrain myself from yelling (more) or being an (even bigger) asshole. But by doing that, I feel like I let them get complacent. I feel like I didn’t push them, or challenge them to get better. I feel like I let them believe they could get away with not really trying and not working hard, and that belief translated into game mode.
Man, I felt so helpless watching them play and struggle. I was wishing there was a switch I could turn on to make them want it. It was frustrating, for sure. I know you’re not supposed to “have favorites”, but there are definitely kids I know who will respond when I push them. One of those kids was saying in a huddle that he was feeling really discouraged and not wanting to give it his all in every game because he felt like his teammates weren’t doing the same for him. Man, I felt for the kid. I know what it feels like when every one of your teammates is all in, and I also know what it feels like when everyone has a different agenda or a different mindset. It SUCKS to feel like you’re on a sinking ship by yourself. But I don’t know how to teach someone else to want something. I don’t know how to teach someone else to conquer fear. I don’t know how to teach “killer instinct”. I don’t know how to teach someone else to be hungry. I had hoped that losing so much at Chicago Invite would help a little in that department, but I could see that I was wrong when about six of them showed up to practice the following Tuesday. (And I believe five of them had shown up on Monday.)
It feels like it’s been a LONG TIME since I’ve been in coach mode. Like I said, Invite was about three weeks ago, and I was only able to make it to one practice the week after that. And then this week they were on spring break and practicing earlier in the day, when I’m schooling/working. So tomorrow will be my first practice in about a week and a half. Yikes. Anyway, I’m ready to go in this week and be a little tougher on them. I’m ready to cultivate a culture of working hard. (Just re-read my own series, nbfd.) Like I said, I don’t know what it is that drives a person, but I’m thinking about ramping up the dudes’ competitive nature at practice. I want them to push each other to make each other better. I want them to hold their teammates more accountable for stuff, and I sure as shit am not going to get clowned again by a bunch of 16 year olds.
Here are things I’ve learned:
a. I’m ultra competitive, even as a coach. We were trying to practice our zone offense, but the problem was that we hadn’t even learned how to play zone defense yet. So Coach had me haphazardly give the D-line guys a quick lesson on how to play a zone with a three-man cup. I know that we were focusing on the offense, but DAMN if I didn’t want to beat the offense when we did our run throughs! I was TOO HYPE when my guys got turns!
b. I am… not a yeller. Just… not good at it.
c. I can’t help but get pissed, no matter how much I say I’m not going to get pissed. I regret losing my cool a little, but I’m at least happy to know that our coach gets as fired up as I do. Because joint “freak out at your team before they’ve even walked out of your opponent’s endzone and everyone is staring at you” sessions are just a sign of awesome coaching. I think I just like being around other people who are as emotionally unstable as I am.
Well, in lighter fare:
a. I’m endlessly thankful for my incredible friends all across this country. Grateful for all of you. Reminded of that all the time. (Especially because Milan and I recently spent three hours at the In-N-Out in Westwood, talking about taking dumps, how white people sometimes terrify us, big asses, and other such shameless things in public. *foghorn*)
b. I heard my guys use the phrase “Cincinnati Bengal”. And I cried tears. First that they were saying it at all. Why. What could they possibly know about Cincinnati Bengals at the age of 16? Second, because I’m just glad something that I used to say in high school (okay, well I still say it now…) is still in use now.
c. I play spring league with a DEAD RINGER for George Stubbs. I did a double take, not kidding. Maybe when I’m not socially awkward anymore, I’ll ask to take a picture of him (HAY L0LS I DUNT MEAN 2 B AWKWURD SLASH CREEPY BUT LOL CALL ME MEBBE) so I can put their pictures side by side and people can stop accusing me of being racist because all white people look alike.