After a few months of observations, I am starting:
Things White People in Madison* Like
- Wearing huge aviator sunglasses when it’s wild cloudy out.
- (White girls) Wearing neck scarves, even/especially in 90+ weather.
- (White girls) Wearing fleeces and scarves and earmuffs and gloves while running… with short running shorts and no spandex.
- Having dreads and wearing poncho hoodies.
- Wearing gym shoes with mom jeans.
- Russelin’, or if they really need corrective lenses, wearing the wild obnoxious kind.
- (White guys) Dating/marrying Asians with little to questionable English ability/comprehension.
- Talking a lot about eating quinoa, brown rice, kale (white folks lettuce), flaxseed, etc. etc. (full disclosure: I eat quinoa when I feel like all the MEAT I’ve eaten hasn’t provided me with enough proteinz but I don’t tell everyone about it right away.)
- Passing me on their bikes. You are treating that hill on Gorham like it’s the hill stage of the Tour de France my pals! It’s not that serious, slash, I’m not about that life! *has thirteen asthma attacks*
- Frisbee, but not in a competitive way. Like in a “tossing the free disc they gave away at whatever-the-UW-equivalent-of-Quad-Day-is at James Madison Park” kind of way.
- Giving their children unfortunate haircuts (mullets, rat tails, etc.)
- (White guys) Being wild tall but driving little cars, such as like the Prius, Fit, Mini Cooper, etc. etc.
- Jogging in place at red lights. Stop that. You look hell of foolish. -_____-
(edits as I continue to collect more evidence on this two year study)
*I don’t think I have enough to confidently say that this is generally applicable to all white people everywhere.