Sooooo … is it time for spring league yet? It’s been a pretty boring off-season so far, and I’m anxious to PLAY again. Hell, I’ll take just throwing with another person again. I was true to my “month hiatus” rule and avoided all high intensity physical activity for a month. During that time, I did a lot of strength and rehab stuff, but that was it. I’ve been getting back into the swing of things, slowly but surely. I kinda hit a little snag in my marathon training, which is sad, but I guess it wasn’t completely unexpected. It means I’ll have to take an extra day off from running in my week schedule, so only four days of running, but my mileage progression was planned specifically with these kind of hold-ups in mind. But you know, I wouldn’t be mad if anyone wanted to trade left legs with me? Anyone?
In any case. This is my first “real” off-season in the past four years, so y’know, it’s hitting me pretty hard. It reeeeeeeally doesn’t help that we’re in the full swing of the college sports seasons, and watching great athletes compete makes me want to throw some shoes or cleats on and get into it, too. I’m thinking of joining a recreational basketball league with my babybro, but that could get ugly (because a. we’re horrible at basketball, and I mean HORRIBLE, and b. I’d get too competitive for rec league, let’s not kid ourselves … I’d throw ‘bows and dive on the floor for loose balls). Shit I’m even thinking of driving to Carol Stream for some indoor ultimate. It’s horrible. I miss playing.
I try not to let it consume my life, but when you have nothing else to do, going to the gym becomes a big part of your day. Especially because now that I’m running longer and longer distances, I’m spending a lot more time at the gym than I used to. It used to be that I could get in and out of the gym in about an hour, hour and a half. Now it takes me that long just to get the running out of the way, and I haven’t even done the lifting or the rehab stuff. It’s insane. I spend so much of my time now training for the marathon and working on my game (and my “game” IFYAKNOWHUMSAYIN’, a-ha a-ha) and physical fitness, that I’ve neglected to even think about all the other areas in my ultimate life that I really need to work on before the next club season:
Accessory Game
I used to wear a rubber band with the score “15-12” on it to motivate me, and when my uncle died I also put “7/4/08” on it as a way to pay homage to him. After that I used to wear either a red or a green rubber band on my right wrist, because I was wearing a red rubber band on my right wrist when I returned to Palo Alto after his funeral in Chicago. But I can’t find any red/green rubber bands that fit my wrist anywhere. If any of you do find some, send ’em my way. I was also supposed to retire my Red Sox cap … oh, a year ago. It’s still going strong, but a rip is starting to develop *le sigh*. The Bruins cap with the identical “B” symbol is alright, but it just doesn’t have the same mojo as the Red Sox cap. I’ve been wearing that beaut since sophomore year. My hair has become too unruly for my old gametime bandanna, so the cap stepped up big time. Don’t know what I’m supposed to do without it, because I feel like it’s sure to die before the end of the next club season. Suggestions?
Asthma Control
It’d be sweet to have fewer asthma attacks as a whole, and fewer severe ones, y’know. I’ve also decided that I need to come up with hand signals for things, like “Yes, I’m fine”, or “No, I’m having an asthma attack”, or “Please bring me my inhaler”, or “Please breathe loudly so I can listen to your breathing pattern”. I think coming up with clear, separate signals for all of these responses would be more productive than me panting like Tom DeLay in a courtroom, swearing, and grabbing at my throat.
Celebrations
I don’t celebrate often, mostly because I don’t score or assist on scores often, so I have little reason to. I’ve only ever spiked a disc once, and that was at CCC in 2009, against I don’t even remember what team. I just remember I almost got into a fight with some trick who alleged that I elbowed her in the face, when really I was just busy turning the disc over by attempting to throw a high release backhand dump pass — a frequent downfall of mine, welp. Anyway, she kept lining up across from me, and was being a lint licker for the rest of the game, quite unforch (mostly unforch for her, boom). On gamepoint, I layed out to save an errant huck meant for someone else. I probably should have heeded “Conservation of Greatness” (the one time in my life I have ever done anything remotely great, actually), but I immediately turned and dished it to Margaret, probably, and streaked straight for the endzone, probably yelling “FOZZ IT! FOZZ IT!” the whole way there. Margaret (or whoever I had dumped it to) put up a huck, but I’m pretty sure it was to Risa, who was sort of wide open in the endzone. Instead, I run into the endzone, shout, “MY DISC MY DISC” and proceed to sky my girl (also the only time in my life I have ever skied anyone), the aforementioned trick ass lint licker, for the score. Once victory had been secured, I looked at the disc, looked at her, and “spiked” the disc. What I really mean is that I was so angry I lost all of my motor control, and I “threw” the disc at the ground. In reality, the disc kind of fluttered to the ground, landed on its rim, and rolled away slowly. Weak. That trick wasn’t even watching the spike. I was peeved, ya’ll!
Anyway. I need new celebrations for when I score. Luckily for all of you, as I’ve already mentioned, I don’t score very often (slash at all?), so you may never actually see any of these celebrations… But you know, it’s better to be prepared than to be sorry. So sorry I’m not sorry.
- Alright, so I know it’s really popular and kind of getting annoying and everything, but … Hitting my dougie. I won’t pull a Braylon and tap my defender on the shoulder or anything, but let’s just say that once I stop they’ll be like dougie some more…
- Throw up the dynasty sign. (throw ya diamonds in the sky if you feel the vibe) However, I’m thinking that if I want to do this, I also need to get myself some customized receiver gloves, a la Mark Ingram. I’m undecided as to what to get on the palms though.
Ideas I’ve Had: Block I’s (for Illinois, duh), Squirtle, Drizzy Drake, Captain and Tenille, Brittany and Santana, Kyle Singler (JUST KIDDING GROSS), R2D2 and C3PO. I’ll think of more totally sweet ideas.
- You Can’t See Me, in homage to John Cena.
If you question this choice at all, you’re fucking crazy. Straight up. You wanna know how to spell badass? J. O. R. T. S.
- High tens with whoever dimed me, preferably Kelly Foster so I can also showcase my straight nasty vertical leap (it’s been measured at 2 inches … SICK).
- Orchestrating a huge production, something along the lines of the Stjarnan team’s sick stuff. We’d do shit like pretend to go bowling with human pins and a human ball (that’s probably been done though), a human plane taking off, a game of Snake or Pacman … still working on good ideas, though.
(Note on #2: Yes. I will wear gloves when it is 90° out.)
Emotions
You know, control them better. Cry less, swear in front of children/babies less, throw/kick my hat less, punch the ground less. If you take a close look at the brim of my Red Sox cap (if you can get close enough to it … most people can’t stand the stench) there’s actually bite marks on it from times I’ve ripped it off and stuck it in my mouth, and I don’t know how much longer my right knuckles can stand how often I pound them into the ground. Yikes.
Jersey Game
So far I’ve only got three under my jersey-jerseys (inspired by Denis Agniel, photo courtesy of Mike Cozza): My black/white reversible Swoosh league jersey (which is actually too large to be tucked in so I don’t wear it often), my blue Dallas Mavericks Jason Kidd jersey, and my blue/white reversible St. Jerome basketball jersey, which is actually my favorite, and as such the number is wearing out :(. I’m in the market for new basketball jerseys to sport underneath my jersey. The cheaper and more reversible they are, the better. I’m hoping to pick up a cheap Illini jersey this weekend, but we shall see. The top jerseys I’m looking for right now are a Deron Williams throwback logo Jazz jersey, a Fred Hoiberg jersey, a John Stockton jersey, or a Steve Kerr jersey.
Photos
Take more of them. Y’know. Hopefully now that I have a new camera I’ll put a greater priority on that.
P’s J-ing
Although I think the phrase was coined exactly for me, it gets bothersome having to change my unnawears so often. Mayhaps, instead of reacting this way to sick plays, I’ll clap politely. Or I’ll say, “Hey, great play!” Or I’ll whistle. You know, much more composed and whatnot.
Tie My Shoes
Fact: I’m not very good at tying my shoes. Why? Because they taught us how to tie our shoes when I was in kindergarten, BEFORE I learned how to speak English. Boom. Margaret says I can’t keep using “I didn’t learn English until I was six!” as my excuse for everything, but this is DEFINITELY my excuse for never having learned how to tie my shoes. I mucked my way through those lessons, and after that, I was too embarrassed to ask someone to show me the proper way to do it. Emburrussing. My cleats coming undone or being too loose while I’m running is actually a major problem for me, it’s just lucky that I run so slowly that no one actually notices. I feel like learning how to tie my shoes, instead of constantly only buying shoes without laces (like moccasins, Sperry’s, flip flops, or slides), might help in my life, as well.
Travel
Well in short I think I’d like to speed less, get fewer tickets, and hit fewer trees.
ALRIGHT ALRIGHT. In case you don’t already know the story, I hit a tree at Regionals this year. YUK IT UP, WHATEVER. I was backing out of Sonja’s uncle’s driveway, and all the windows in the back of the car were totally fogged up (Allison gets nasty, ooh girrrrrl). I can’t see a thing but my car hasn’t fallen into a ditch yet, which I take to be a good sign. Next thing I know, Elsa and Abby shout that I have backed into a tree. WELP. MY B. Good thing I was going like 0.07 miles an hour, so no damage was done to Allison, 4srs. You can’t even tell that I backed into a big ass tree. Anyway, the next morning I got in my car and started it at least ten minutes before we actually left so I could defog all the windows. I did not hit any trees on Sunday morning. Boom.
I also got a speeding ticket coming home from Regionals. Poop on peens, if you will. You know, the officer just casually pulled out of the rest area just as I asked, “Hey, is that a cop car?” “Any reason you were going that fast?” Hrm, I don’t know sir, just wanted to shit on my peen (anatomically impossible, but possible in life, actually) I guess!
Tweet
Tweet better. Cause you know, not that anyone needed to follow me to get updates, as USAU (and now Leaguevine) did a good job of updating scores via tweets, but y’know, it’s the principle of the matter. I said I’d tweet at College Nationals, and for all the games I watched I think all seven of my tweets from that weekend said things like, “O hai eetin’ fryde chikin brb” or “I’m so fat and slow compared to these ballers *cry cry* lulz”. Oops.
White Clothing
Own less of it. Ugh. My white shorts from ’09 are basically brown and gray now. Thanks, CCC 2009 and Chicago Invite 2010. My white shorts from this year are getting gross too. Both my white Illinois jerseys are also kind of getting gross, and my Shanghai white is filthy. They are all past the point of being saved by bleach, which makes me cry as well. I guess it makes you look cool if you’re playing ultimate, but if you like to wear the aforementioned articles of clothing just out to the gym or just out in public, period, it’s problematic. People wonder if you have bowel control issues, or if you’re the type of person who shouldn’t eat in front of other people, or if you’re just plain sloppy. I mean, it’s not a good look. People aren’t trying to holler at that kinda mess.
Welp, just letting ya’ll know how I’m doing in my off-season training. Hope all of your off-season (and college season) stuff is going well.
